listen to teens

When I was 17, in 2002-2003ish, I was part of a high school walk out to protest the Iraq war. We made duct tape arm bands, political flyers and signs, and being a group of over achieving kids in the midst of college application cycles, we coordinated with school administration and our parents. Radical? Effective? World-changing? Doubtful, but I do know that I was fortunate enough to be surrounded by adults who let it happen. Many of whom, didn’t really get it or didn’t necessarily agree. I recall a teacher asking me, “don’t you think the president and the people at the pentagon have a better understanding of this than we do?” and thinking, “probably not?” in only the way a 17 year old can (spoiler: I think 17 year old me was probably right).

That same year I was also part of a Students For Choice group that brought abortion providers and patients breakfast on Friday mornings – the day our area Planned Parenthood performed abortions and the day the very loud and very angry anti-choice protestors would swarm the entrance. We tried to take brunt of the yelling for them, escorted people into the clinic, and brought doughnuts. I did this for my entire senior year and at the time it really, truly, felt like no big deal. In retrospect, I can barely imagine doing this today. I similarly remember adults around me worrying that this was dangerous, and my having an extremely blasé attitude about it.

When my mother was in high school the school board in Omaha, Nebraska passed a rule allowing women to wear jeans to school. Sadly this was not 1912 and is relatively recent history. Regardless, my teenaged mother heard this on the local news and wore jeans the following day. She was told to go home and change, and she fought back, citing the new rule. This story had a significant impact on me as a young woman. First, it was the initial spark of my bone-deep belief that most forms of dress codes are a tool of oppression that disproportionally impact women, those living in poverty, people of color, and youth – and are also also tools of dehumanizing sexualization.

Second, I learned that most of the time old people are wrong about stuff.

I am now an old person. Not like, actually old, but old in the eyes of a teen or 20-something. Worse yet, I’m a professor and administrator at a college. I am the grown-up tsk’ing and saying, “you don’t know what you don’t know.” And that is true. Teens and 20-something absolutely have no clue what they haven’t learned yet. I am not the same person I was 20 years ago (honestly, she was a mess) and that change happened slowly over time as I was challenged, and grew, and learned. I’m still changing (I hope).

BUT, and that is a very important all caps BUT, that lack of context for the general shittyness of the world also leaves room for gleaming notions of morality. There is openness for optimism, hope, and possibly most meaningfully, rage, in a way that is extremely difficult for me to cultivate now. I know, firsthand, how hard it is to change things. In my 40 years I’ve mostly seen the world continue to be cruel, and apathy has crept in. Thank goodness they don’t know what they don’t know.

This is not to say that their rage and their optimism is wasted or void of meaning. Despite my creeping apathy, I too actually believe things can be better. In the same moments that I’ve learn how hard change is, I’ve also seen growth and success. Set backs and wins. I keep pushing and struggling – but have I slowed down? Has my privilege as a white woman with a steady career allowed me to disengage in a way that marginalized people can’t? Absolutely. I need to look past my glaring cynicism – for them, for my kids, for the planet. I’ve taken to looking to my students for hope. The late-teens and 20-somethings in my life.

In my field (the law and academia) there is a general refrain of “young people sure suck these days.” As a notion, it is regressive and lazy. Do our students have the life experience we have? No. Does that make their opinions and experiences less valid? Also no. My understanding is not a validity test. I don’t need to fully understand their reactions for them to be valid. It is my job to challenge our students and help them grow. It is my belief that it is also my job to listen to them.

At 17 I was surrounded by adults who said, “you feel strongly about war and body autonomy. ok. do something about it.” That energy has been a cornerstone in my life. I owe it to the young adults around me to listen and consider their rage, their optimism, and their joy. They give me back to me tenfold – and I’m so grateful to them.

I wish my generation had done more for the one behind us.

I wish we’d left them a world that was more peaceful, environmentally stable, and kind.

We didn’t – but were also not dead yet.

i’m a bad guy

So, I’m actually not a bad guy – at least not in the stories in my head – but if you lead, teach, or practice law you will always been someone’s bad guy. Someone’s professor who didn’t care enough. Someone’s boss who asks too much or offends them. Someone’s attorney (or opposing counsel) who ruined your life.

When you step into any measure of control or authority, you will eventually be the villain in a story someone is telling their friends and family.

…and that sucks. I just want to be really clear here, this sucks. I don’t want to be someone’s villain! I care so deeply about what I do. I want our students to all feel challenged while also being supported. I want them to understand and follow procedures, while getting curious about why things work they do, and challenging the status quo. Recently another leader I work with, in a much higher position than mine, faced some pretty searing criticism of their leadership. They were sincerely impacted and hurt by anonymous words in a survey.

Of course, of course, feedback is the currency of academia and valid feedback should be internalized and reflected upon. However, sometimes, no matter how much you care or try – you’re a villain. I have faced decisions on issues that were deeply important to the people I serve. Often, even if I don’t regret the decision and would make it again, I feel awful that someone out there is angry. I had to say “no” to something a someone thought they were entitled to, do my job, and now I’m loathed. I’m their bad guy. How can we cope with that?

First, we can forgive or re-think all our own former bad guys. That professor who refused to waive the deadline? That middle-manager who wouldn’t let you park where you wanted? I’m not saying forgive them, but maybe re-think them. There were rules and procedures throughout my education I railed against. Some of my rage was valid (fuck off high school dress code). Some of it, though, I just didn’t understand. I made the self-centered assumption it was in place simply to punish me. I wasn’t curious enough to ask “why?” in an open way. Sure, those leaders could’ve communicated their “why” a little better, but I can own my part in their becoming my bad guy. I can show empathy I didn’t have then.

Second, I can hold my “why” a little closer. Why did I make that decision, set that boundary, hold that level of accountability? Usually its because I know the world outside of the college will be even harsher, and not even tell you how you’re screwing up. I may still become a student’s villain – but my why is more important. I’m here to prepare future attorneys, and doing them favors that judges, co-counsel, opposing counsel, partners, and CEOs won’t do, doesn’t prepare them for much.

Third, I can have language ready so that when I’m transforming into someone’s bad guy, I still act in a way I’m proud of. This happens when I know I need to hold a boundary, and I know its going to make me sound like a bitch, but I can at least sound like a smart and calm bitch.

For example, frequently students will send me an email that asks me something that is covered in the syllabus or elsewhere. Sometimes these are as simple as what time class is, the room number, or something else that is available on the college’s schedule and in the Dean’s Office. These emails really get to me. Why? Don’t give other people work because you didn’t take a moment to really ask yourself. Before you send an email, look for yourself. You’ll save everyone time. I also suspect senior male faculty get fewer of these hand-holding requests, but I digress. In most environments, if a junior person sends this kind of email to a senior person two things happen: (1) its ignored and goes unanswered or (2) they answer, but are frustrated. Either outcome diminishes the professional relationship. So, here is my sample reply to these emails…

“I am always happy to answer questions, but I do request some shared problem-solving effort. I covered this information in orientation or its available at XYZ, etc…”

I don’t usually provide the information. Please don’t read this as me discouraging asking questions – I definitely do not – but you have to show some effort. Tell me how you did try to find the information. How did you prepare before asking me these questions?

I have more of these canned responses for other types of interactions – the interactions that lead to the “bad guy zone.” No one wants to get that email. The email that implies: this was a stupid email, work harder. But I can rest more easily knowing that even if I’m in the bad guy zone, it’s because I was working to make them a better lawyer.

Fourth, sometimes being the bad guy is out of your control. Those are actually nice moments – this hard decision isn’t on me, even if I’m the face of it. In either instance, I try to handle it with as much empathy as possible, without slipping into validating any crappy behavior. I find simply making gentle eye contact and saying, “I know this sucks and I hear you” and keeping the, “but we really can’t change the whole college’s course schedule just for you” helps… though maybe sometimes they should hear the whole thing.

Fifth and finally, do a check. Were you actually cruel or mean, needlessly? If you were, make it right.

Regardless, you don’t just get over it – or at least I can’t. People pleasing is in my DNA. It sucks. I want to help everyone. I feel like a failure when I don’t help every person who asks for it to the greatest degree possible. However, I am but one woman. I can not do that. I’ve tried, I’ve cried, I’ve set boundaries on what I’m willing to do or compromise, and I’ve had to accept that some people won’t like it. They’ll say I’m not doing my job well, or supporting them enough. It hurts, but I know what I can do, and I do it.

I got the advice recently, “you can’t do more for them than they’re willing to do for themselves” and I’ve really been holding that in my mind. There are few people out there to whom I am the bad guy. In some cases I fully deserve it. In the others, I probably wasn’t intentionally trying to do them wrong, personally.

In sum, I have no actual advice with how to cope with the reality of people thinking you suck and personally wronged them. Honestly, it’s probably good if it bothers you to some degree. What I do know is that every person you know is someone else’s bad guy. Deserved or otherwise, interacting with other’s doesn’t always result in sunshine and rainbows. It’s part of the human condition – we suck sometimes.

It’s not special to be disliked, and in way, that makes it a little bit easier to swallow.

failure lessons

I have talked a lot about failure and how common it is. How failing is good for us, teaches us, etc. I’m not alone in this line of rhetoric, in fact I see discussions of resiliency, failure, and grit everywhere these days. I am also cusp-GenX (technically a millennial and probably align more there) but I remember enough of the 1980’s to be skeptical and cynical of any and all corporate-sounding-buzzwords too. All the, “celebrate failing” inspo posts had me eye rolling. But yet, I still believe. My failures DID help me.

To address this bifurcation between rolling my eyes and believing, I decided to look beyond the buzzy words. Sure, failure taught me some stuff, but what specifically did it teach me?

Let’s give it a shot. 5 specific lessons I’ve drawn from very specific failures:

(1) Talking about studying/work, stressing out about studying/work, and planning time for studying/work are not the same as DOING THE WORK. You can lose hours and hours this way, and I sure did. I started to glean this lesson after the first year of law school. I felt like I was endlessly at library working, but my grades didn’t reflect that effort. I had to ask myself, was I actually doing the work, or was I just talking about how much work I had to do while physically located in the library? Those things aren’t the same. I still get caught in this loop from time to time. I’m grateful to those shitty 1L grades that taught me this. My kids now get to hear this constant refrain anytime they procrastinate and complain: Do the work and the work will be done!

(2) You can never really know what someone is thinking or what dynamics are working in the background. In my pre-law-career days I interviewed for a program coordinator position that was web development heavy. I was certain that I bombed it. I still remember how bad I thought it went. They offered me the job that afternoon, and I worked there for 3 years. I’ve also had a situation in the recent years where I was considering leaving the university for this gig I really wanted – like really, really wanted. I had three (3!!) interviews, and they all went SO WELL. We ran over time chatting, we connected and planned, etc. I didn’t get it. They hired someone from their Board. That person absolutely deserved the position and is fantastic – but the experience underscored the lesson – you never really know what someone is thinking or what relationships and dynamics are working in the background.

(3) Working really hard for something and/or wanting it very badly doesn’t entitle you to it. This feel wrong based on every training montage from a movie you’ve ever seen, and it kind of is, but it’s true. When I failed the Bar Exam in 2012 it I missed it by 12 points (on a curved exam). I had really done a lot of work, maybe not as much as I could have, but a lot. More than enough, for most people, anyway. I was pregnant and panicked and I studied constantly. I had friends and study companions (though none of my core-study group) that, to be blunt, didn’t work as hard. They passed. I failed. THE INJUSTICE. Here’s the thing, the injustice didn’t do anything to help me. I now use what small platform I have to loudly tell everyone how antiquated, gate-keepy, and irrelevant the bar exam is (JUSTICE!), but I had to accept that in that situation how hard I worked and how bad I wanted it simply didn’t matter. It usually doesn’t.

(4) A huge part of success is just showing up. I made it through one semester as a college freshman, was put on academic probation, and shortly into semester two I opted to cut my loses, drop out, and start working full time. Now, obviously, this story has an academic happy ending (IRONY!) but my biggest issue with classes at 18 years old? Just showing up. I tasted freedom and I ordered seconds. There was no immediate consequence to just blowing it off, so I did. I now know that a huge portion of success is just being there. Most classes I could’ve squeaked by with Bs and Cs just by being there and listening. I of course, also had to the learn this lesson in other contexts, but the main point is, opportunity comes to those who are standing in the room to hear about it. Show. Up.

(5) Trying to act like someone else makes you unlikeable, looks dumb, and undercuts your capabilities. When I started my position as an Executive Director, my title was about 15x bigger than my responsibilities and skills were, but I was hungry. I wanted to prove myself and really “do something,” ya know? Our Dean at the time was a woman from New York and I really admired her. She was frank, to-the-point, and didn’t mess around. I wanted to be just like her, and I tried to emulate her in the way she ran meetings, spoke, and communicated. … I looked like an idiot. I was young and new and acting like a “boss lady” just made me an annoying 27 year old know-it-all. I’m also extremely midwestern, folksy, and chatty. I was not built for the conversation style of New Yorkers, much as I appreciated it. At a certain point I conflated this failing with the assumption that people wouldn’t ever take me seriously, so I sort of gave up the act. I just started being folksy and myself, because screw it I was bad at this anyway, so just stop trying. But then, THEN, it worked. My authenticity built relationships and trust, which led to opportunities. Leaders can and should look and sound different. My pretending act was obvious and made me come off as immature, vaguely pathetic I think, and worst of all inauthentic. I was not designed to be formal or stoic or rigid. My superpower became my friendliness. Now some people think me too informal, and that’s their call, but even in those situations it is better to be authentic than to appear as if you’re playing pretend and undercutting your authority.

Probably important to note here that failing still sucks, and it hurts, and it feels bad. I cried real tears and carried metaphorical baggage over every thing on this list, plus dozens of others not listed. Sit in the suck for a while when you need to.

Grit doesn’t mean you’re immediately fine (that, I believe, is something more like disassociation, or burying things, or … maybe go ask someone at BetterHelp).

Grit means you take the time to recover, sulk, process, whatever, and then make decisions about potential next steps or new plans.

magic science + my salacious 2024 word of the year

While I lean towards woo-woo, crunchy, hippy, self-helpy stuff, I always thought the whole “word of the year” thing was lame. However, some people I really like choose one each year, and then last year we did it at work as a staff activity (because, of course). I kind of got into it. Like everything in this vein, I take it all with a little levity and in context of the situations and questions at hand. Do I love being a Cancer and learning everyone’s zodiac signs? Yes. Do I regularly do some tarot pulls and pay attention to moon phases? For sure. Do I make medical or financial choices based on this information? No.

The thing is, I view myself as a witchy soul connected to our earth and to nature, and as a science educator, and as a technically minded person – I’ve had to reckon with my crunchy tendencies and the whole, “this is harmful, fake garbage” argument for decades.

Science is rooted in human curiosity, and particularly for biology and medical science, in the work of women. Ask me, if I was in labor in 1750, if I’d rather have had an experienced but not formally educated midwife by my side or a male doctor from the church if things went sideways. Anyway, over time, the work of science and study was torn away from lower classes, women, and other marginalized populations, and rebranded as “NOT HOOEY DEVIL WITCH STUFF FOR DUMB PEOPLE, BUT REAL SERIOUS STUFF YOU WOULDN’T UNDERSTAND” (I’m paraphrasing), and then commodified and monetized. While much work and effort has been done to rectify that, to this day I think we feel an abstract pressure to choose. Do you “believe” in science or in holistic practices? Well, both exist regardless of anyone’s beliefs, so stuff-it modern society. I’ll strap on my quartz watch, take life-saving medicines when I need them, meditate, and choose both. It doesn’t have to be either-or.

Scientific method, double blind studies, peer review: yes, these are things I look for in research validity and in my decision making. I look to experts and to those doing the work. Modern medicine, the deeply problematic healthcare system aside, is a champion of human intelligence and creativity.

Do I also look to the power of self-reflection, imagination, and an openness to the notion that maybe we don’t know every last detail about this great big universe: YES, PLEASE. Goodness, how boring and pointless would it all be if we understood everything happening around us? I love the feeling of connectedness to the mysteries of the universe, my purpose, my potential lack of purpose, all of it.

My witchy, earth-centric, habits bring me peace – like rituals, introspection, and belief systems have done for people since the beginning of humans. Mantras, prayers, words – they bring us focus and peace.

So, then I’ve theoretically justified selecting a word of the year to myself. In 2023 I choose “Slow”. It actually helped. My goal in selecting “slow” was to remind myself to move carefully, slowly, and with intention. The email can sit another day so I can give it the full attention it needs. I can spend a few days considering that conference invite. So much of my career has been pedal to the metal. In 2023 I pumped the breaks and I loved it.

Word of year helped me!

In 2024 I’ve selected a word that maybe feels a bit salacious. Pleasure. Pleasure is good for us. I feel time speeding by so quickly and aging has happened more rapidly than I thought possible. I can’t keep myself or my family young (nor would I want to), but I can focus on feeling good while we experience life.

I do mean pleasure in all its forms. Yes, in the salacious connotations (a major perk of being a human, if you ask me), but also in good food eaten slowly, the hyper focus creativity that comes on when working on a piece of art or when writing, the high experienced in the middle of an aerobic workout.

I want to seek activities not because they are “good for me,” I want seek things that feel good to me. The purpose should never be punish myself or hold myself accountable for some assumed moral failing – I want to do stuff because it feels good.

Yes, yes, this has the potential to slide into gluttony and addiction. Calm down and let me explain. For example, I’m doing the whole dry January thing right now – not drinking any alcohol in the month of January. I’m working to reframe this month from, “alcohol is bad and thus you’re bad for drinking it; you pathetic drunk with no self-control; you need a cheesy monthly challenge to make good choices” to, “notice how deep your sleep feels when you do not have wine before bed; see how much more aware you are of how things feel on your skin; notice how dewey your skin looks; you’re not a damaged person who needs a challenge to not drink for 4 weeks, you’re a sexy, dewey skinned woman paying attention to what her body enjoys this month; next month you can spend a few evenings rediscovering and savoring the joy of feeling fuzzy and warm with your favorite wine.”

With every task I approach I want to ask myself, “how can I make this more pleasurable?” How can I bring more fun, joy, and pleasure into the lives of others and my own? Life shouldn’t have to feel like a slog that also somehow speeds by.

I have the extremely good fortune to be aging. I’ve hit middle-age, nearing 40, and damnit I want it to be pleasurable.

Break out the crystals, the good silverware, the nice paints you were saving, the little indulgences, the songs on repeat, the gray hairs, the fancy vanilla for baking, the joy.

Bring on the pleasure.

2023 numbers, hair, and heart

2023 by the numbers…

◦ 203 days alcohol free

◦ 197 outdoor walks/jogs over one mile (really wanted that 200, but, broken foot)

◦ 97 yoga practices (really wanted that 100, but, broken foot don’t bend)

◦ 95 books read (check out my annual book review posts)

◦ 20+ Girl Scout meetings and events as a troop leader

◦ 10 Girls Code Lincoln board meetings, club sessions, and events led and attended as I wrapped up my presidency of the organization (see more)

◦ 8 different hair colors and styles

◦ 7 trips, some near, some further but all domestic this year

◦ 4 conferences, 2 of which I facilitated

◦ 3 pets we had to say goodbye to. Day-Z our 16 year old kitty, Lollipop a 7 year old guinea pig, and Aria a 2 year old chicken; our 17 year old kitty, Mia, is showing her years but remains my ever-faithful familiar

◦ 2 scholarly publications, including my first top 20 school law review placement

◦ 1 TedX Talk (a post!)

2023 by the hair…

2023 by the heart…

I am so incredibly proud of this year. The past few years before were really difficult professionally. I made some pretty big changes in 2022 that paid out in 2023. I know it doesn’t look that way on the outside, given that I still work at the College of Law, but I feel in control of my work and my decisions for the first time, and it’s a joy.

Morgan and I celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary with a huge Halloween party and vow renewal. FYI, planning your second wedding is so much more fun and relaxing than the first time. We were silly with it and I’m glad! Here’s a blog on that.

Our children are growing and becoming their own people. They are so much more than the sum of what we gave them: they are their own and who they are is wonderful.

Peace and love friends!

wild geese: 2023 winter solstice

Each year my family makes a Winter Solstice dinner and we eat together in the dark, by only candle light, in addition to other traditions. Each year I select a poem or reading to kick off our dinner. We don’t do much in the way of formal rituals or religion in our home, but this one is sacred. I picked another Mary Oliver piece for my poem this year. Happy yule! 🌲🌀 🌚

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting –
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

Mary Oliver
Wild Geese

washington d.c. travel recs

I have traveled to and worked in Washington DC over 30 times in the past 11 years. When I travel for work, I am the sort to take full advantage of the privilege. I’m a lifelong, unashamed, relentless tourist. DO ALL THE THINGS! I was recently back in DC, and took my son Max with me on his first trip there. Exploring DC with him, and showing him all the “places I go when I’m not at home with you,” was really special. It really made me realize how many “favorite places” I have in that city. I am often asked by my students and friends for DC travel ideas, so I decided to put it here in one easily shareable post.

WHEN I PREFER TO GO

I’ve traveled to DC in every season, but my favorites are spring or fall, which is thankfully when most of my work occurs. It’s a literal (and figurative) swamp in summer and cold in the winter. The other perk of the spring? The cherry blossoms – and if you time it right – the kite festival. The National Mall is a National Park, and runs a “bloom watch.” Of course, this is a busy time in DC, but with good reason. It truly is just lovely – but do take allergy meds. I once did a run along the river from Georgetown to the Capitol and then couldn’t open my eyes for several hours due to my spring time allergies. Anyway, coinciding with the bloom is the Kite Festival. I am in DC for work not leisure, so it was serendipity that I was there over this event. It is one of my most joyful memories from solo travel. I felt as free as the kites.

THINGS I DO IN DC (THAT ARE NOT CONFERENCES, MEETINGS, OR NETWORKING)

Further in this post I will detail my favorite museums, restaurants, and spots, but for now, these are the activities in DC I recommend:

Walk the monuments at sunset and at night. It’s safe and so gorgeous. I love to start all the way at the Supreme Court or Capitol and make my way to the Lincoln Memorial. The lighting adds to the grandeur and it’s a little less busy and hot.
Smithsonian Museums. Free, huge, and fun. Each trip I try to sneak one in, and often strategize and plan ahead for which one. Because they’re free, you can guiltlessly do “drive by” visits and go see just a few rooms or things. I’ll talk more about them individually later, but for the museums on the Mall, it’s so fun to walk between them too. Eat at one the stands on the Mall and sit on the lawns. There is a metro stop that drops you right there.
All the other museums! There are so many museums in DC. Exploring there is one of my favorite things to do. I usually just open google maps and explore around my hotel on each trip. I tend to target art or science spots.
Book shops. One of my travel ticks is finding a local bookstore in every city I travel to. DC is no exception and is plentiful – especially if you get out to the surrounding neighborhoods. A personal favorite is Politics and Prose at the wharf.
The river. I love Georgetown, the wharf, just looking at the Potomac from anywhere in DC. This fall Max and I kayaked and it was so cool. We used Boat in DC and took off from the Keytown Bridge. A great activity for traveling with a pre-teen too.
Pokemon Go. Hear me out. I’m a nerd, my family are nerds, and augmented reality games are just fun. DC has so many thousands of Poke Stops and Gyms, and it’s a fun way to engage with the history and the map.
Shop. Is DC a fashion hub? Absolutely not. But there are so many professionals working overtime to look the part, that there are Nordstrom Racks on like every corner. Half of my work wardrobe was purchased in DC.
Tours. Admittedly, I very rarely go on tours in DC because my tourism is being fit in between work obligations. However, I have gone on a few good ones. Max and I took a great Ghost Tour of the Supreme Court and Capitol this fall. It’s a fun way to get a guided experience and learn some fun facts. I have never done any of the bus/driving tours (well, not true, did one in 7th grade) and frankly those don’t really appeal to me. I just used viator to find it, and have good luck booking through them.
Rooftop bars. Ok, I like these everywhere, but with the monuments and ornate government buildings, DC rooftops are fun. I’ll mention restaurants and bars later, but a personal favorite is the Crimson View in Chinatown.

WHERE I LIKE TO EAT

I like to eat and I like it be either (a) very delicious, or (b) an experience. I’m here for vibes. I’m also here to break bread with friends. Meal planning for bigger parties in a city is a WHOLE THING in terms of splitting checks and managing reservations but worth it every time. I also love to eat alone and explore new restaurants on my own. Bring a book. You got this.

My other tip for us hapless midwesterners – you need reservations. You always need reservations. Maybe you get there and it was unnecessary, but just do it. Here is a list of restaurants I either hit frequently, get a kick out of, take students and colleagues too, or simply just recommend. There are so many missing here too; I’ll add over time.

The Dubliner near the Capitol and Union Station. It’s an Irish pub through and through and definitely panders to that. There is often live music, the food is good, and the atmosphere is fun.
The Old Ebbitt Grill near the White House. It’s a classic but touristy. It just feels so “DC” though; it’s worth it. I’ve ordered trays of oysters drunk at 2AM and had eggs benedict at 7AM. It delivers.
GCDC Grilled Cheese near the White House. This is fast food grilled cheese. Quick, easy, yummy, kitschy.
Farmers Fishers Bakers at the Georgetown Waterfront. Elevated comfort food and the Sunday brunch is unbelievable. Eat outside if you can.
Nick’s Riverside Grill at the Georgetown Waterfront. It’s a hometown, cheaper, American style fare of your youth. Again, eat outside.
Founding Farmers in Foggy Bottom. It’s just delicious and the atmosphere is A+. I dream of this apple mac n’ cheese. Yes. It has apples in it.
City Tap House in Penn Quarter. This one is a chain, but in limited cities. Regardless, it’s delicious and convenient.
Kaliwa at The Wharf. It’s pricey for the quality (it’s really good, but maybe not that good), but the setting, the decor, the vibe. I’m into it. Southeast asian food (but you can get french fries as a side, which still amuses me). Lots of speciality cocktails and mocktails too.
Wok and Roll in Chinatown. Yep, sushi and karaoke. I’ve gone solo and did no karaoke and gotten a karaoke room with friends. The atmosphere is fun and the sushi is pretty good.
The Kura Revolving Sushi Bar in Chinatown. Yes, yes, Kura is a chain, but robot waiters! a sushi train! It’s just fun and relatively cheap.

WHERE I LIKE TO LOOK AT THINGS: MUSEUMS AND TOURIST SPOTS

The Smithsonian Air and Space Museum on the National Mall is one of my favorite places. They have an original Wright Brothers plan, amazing space exhibits, and a three story gift shop. It’s free, and I’ve never had to do the timed entry except for when it reopened after a lengthy closure. All this said, if you live in eastern Nebraska, the collection at the SAC Museum is bigger than here. There is another Air and Space Museum in Chantilly VA, which is a bit of a hike from DC, but gigantic. The collection there has to be 2x the size – plus a space shuttle! I recommend all three.
The Smithsonian Natural History Museum on the National Mall is just eye candy. The animals, the ceilings, all of it. I particularly like walking the hall of human evolution. I’ve never had to do the timed entry.
The National Portrait Gallery, near Chinatown, is relatively quick if you’re just looking for the famous portraits. If you explore each gallery, it’s huge. It’s also open later than the Smithsonian Museum’s on the Mall. I have often saved that one to tour around 5 or 6PM before going to dinner in Chinatown.
There are way more Smithsonian Museums than I’m going to call out specifically here. Of course, of course, check out all the Smithsonian’s! Another few I list as favs: The American Indian Museum is gorgeous with awesome jewelry in the gift shop; I almost always walk through the Hirshhorn; The African American History and Culture Museum is so cool and interesting; and finally, the gardens and green house are beautiful and fun. When it’s cold I love to hit up the green house. All free!
The Spy Museum. I never bothered to pay for this experience until I went with my 11 year old. Interactive mission through museum, crawling through air vents, loads of intel, an opportunity to show off my cyber red teaming knowledge – it was a perfect afternoon. There isn’t much for the real little guys, but great for older kids and grown ups!
The National Archives feel surreal. Standing in the room with the Declaration of Independence is a real trip. I have always just walked right in without timed tickets, but I’ve also always done it first thing in the morning when it opens. No pictures allow here. Free.
Now, this makes me sound insufferable. My work has led to my visiting Pentagon in a professional capacity 5 or 6 times, and my hosts have given me tours, so I’ve never done a public tour, but I believe they’re doing those again! It’s a wild, huge, and confusing complex with a fun photo op in the waiting area only (no pictures otherwise). I got to take Max with me this fall, which was so cool. Tip: never take a cab to the Pentagon. The only drop is at the front which is not where visitor control is. Easiest method is to metro in, which will drop you right where you need to enter.
The NASA HQ lobby, information center, and gift shop (on Hidden Figures Way) is a quick stop if you’re not actually visiting someone’s office, but worth it. The gift shop is small and feels like a mall pop-up, which is to say, they have random stuff that the woman who runs it designed herself. There are also some interesting displays in the lobby.
You can request a tour of the Capitol building from your state delegation, rather than one of the big public tours. They can’t always accommodate it, but being led around by an intern is kind of a kick. I’ve done them with interns of staff from Rep. Bacon and Senator Fischer’s Offices. The video before the tour is too long (and has its rose colored glasses on regarding US history) but its a neat building and tour.
A few other places I’ve visited in the last few years, that were cool, but not calling out specifically: ARTECHOUSE (Art Tech House) DC was cool but small, Library of Congress is beautiful, FBI tour was cool, CIA tour (it’s another one with a drive) was neat and we saw the employee art show which cracks me up, State Department is so serious and intimidating, kayaking the Potomac (mentioned earlier), and the National Geographic museum was well done too.

WHERE I LIKE TO SLEEP

I’m all-in on my Hilton Honors points, but have stayed in a few places in DC that were particularly cool or special.

Phoenix Park Hotel is above The Dubliner that I mentioned earlier in this post. It’s Irish themed as well, and fun. It’s near the Capitol, Union Station, and Georgetown Legal Center.
Just once I got to stay in The Willard Intercontinental Hotel, which is a DC institution, terribly fancy, beautiful, and where I yelled at the lobby staff for refusing to offer me access to a refrigerator for my pumped breast milk (which they did eventually do). It’s pricey and above my pay grade 99.9% of the time, but definitely stop by for a drink on your way to The White House or keep an eye out for discount rates.
Motto by Hilton in Chinatown has a basement bar and a killer rooftop bar. It’s across the street from the Chinatown metro spot, which is sort of a rough street, but safe. I’ve never had an issue there. Between the location, the bars, and the minimalist rooms – I love it.
The Hilton brand hotels I typically book depending on where my work is centered: the Hilton National Mall & The Wharf, the Canopy at Embassy Row, and the Embassy Suites Convention Center. All of these have proven to be the quietest – which is typically my biggest complaint.

GETTING THERE

I am solidly on team DCA (Reagan National) for flying in and out. If you’re there for work or tourism you’re likely staying in the city center, and DCA is quick 15 minute drive. I often call it ‘Reagan’ and am swiftly told by locals it’s ‘National.’ When that is coming from someone who has lived there for many years, it’s funny, when it’s coming from an intern whose been there for the summer, it’s annoying. The other airport option is Dulles. Is Dulles bigger? Yes. Is Dulles occasionally cheaper? Yes. Do I have any desire to commute after getting off the plane? No.

From DCA you can easily take metro in, but the drive is quick enough that I am usually bougie (and getting reimbursed) and just grab a cab.

HOW I GET AROUND

The metro in DC is so easy and inexpensive. Google Maps will tell you what train and when, but you hardly need it to. There is an app you can use to pay, but I find it a little poorly designed. You can still buy the physical cards and load them at the stations. I also use ride shares a lot when getting around quickly. But, BUT, far and away my favorite way to move around DC is walking. It’s such a walkable city with a lot of personality, if you look for it. Not to mention the monument pathways. Whenever I can, I walk.

just something about that tall grass.

I have had the pleasure of being a 2022 and 2023 Nebraska Tech Collaborative Tech Pioneer. Their goal is to build the midwest tech workforce and support the tech industry in Nebraska. I was thrilled to add my two-cents on living and working on tech topics in the state.

Transcript: my name is Elsbeth Magilton. I am the executive director of the Space, Cyber, and Telecommunications law program for the University of Nebraska. I’m also the board president for Girls Code Lincoln, which is a coding camp for fourth through ninth grade girls serving the Lincoln Community.

And I think that I am a Trailblazer in Nebraska because I want to have fun and I want people to realize that Nebraska is a great place to be. I don’t want to compensate for the fact that I’m in Nebraska. I want everyone to realize that it’s awesome to be here and that we have amazing opportunities for a wide breadth of people.

I think Nebraska is this great palette for Innovation and that’s why it’s a great place to innovate here – you know when I think about the mountains, you know they’re majestic, they’re beautiful, they’re inspiring you. Think about the ocean – it’s endless and amazing and mesmerizing. When you think about the Prairie … it’s quiet, gentle, in its own small simple unassuming way, and what a great palette to have to innovate.

We live a slower paced lifestyle here. We have time, we have more money because it’s cheaper to live here, and we have space to get creative and to get messy and to think about things differently.

It’s the gift of space and time and I think people undersell how important that is in the creative process.

noticing: my work as the Girls Code Lincoln board president

This week my term as Board President for Girls Code Lincoln ends. Saying goodbye to this leadership position is bittersweet.

Girls Code Lincoln a weekly coding camp for 4-9th grade girls in the Lincoln area. We are dedicated to always being completely free, and as such we’re entirely volunteer run. As you may imagine, crafting curriculum, communicating with parents, running club logistics every Sunday over the school year, in addition to fundraising and building our public reputation, is a huge volunteer lift.

Sometimes in the world of all-volunteer nonprofits we constantly feel like we’re not accomplishing what we wish we could – “if only I could give this my full attention,” “if only I had more time to give,” “if only more people volunteered!” While that is all true it also makes it easy to lose sight of what has been accomplished.

I started my term as board president in September of 2021, coming off of the pandemic. I often feel insecure that I was a lame-duck President for the organization and certainly I didn’t come close to accomplishing everything I hoped. However, I’m working on noticing. What can I notice, if I look back with clear eyes?

Since 2021 Girls Code Lincoln has…

Girls Code Lincoln transitioned from being founder-run to building a new board and leadership team by recruiting new volunteers, including finding a new Director of Operations and all new leadership roles…
…while coming back from the pandemic (I truly don’t think many orgs in that position could have or would have survived that double whammy – it is huge) and started club again!
Managing the politically fraught mask, vaccine, and back-to-in-person debates in children’s education.
We participated in Make Lincoln, Inspire Girls, Big Red Welcome, Homeschool Education Night with the Stars and more public and community events by hosting booths.
Our board overhauled our bylaws and worked with the leadership team to start (and largely finish) a best practices and operational procedures guide.
We hosted two board retreats, meeting for half day sessions to deep dive on future planning.
Akriti Agrawal (an org co-founder) and I produced 8 monthly episode and 10 special edition episodes of the Girls Code Lincoln Podcast (to be transitioned to our YouTube channel).
Board members helped facilitate club tours at the University of Nebraska Drone and Eye Tracking Labs, The Emerging Media Arts Center, Firespring, and Hudl for our club members.
We started a tradition of thanking our core volunteers with gifts at the end of each semester, and created volunteer thank-you gifts in the form of shirts and hats.
I overhauled, shortened, and re-wrote all of the opening leadership curriculum and our new Curriculum Director Bethany has started the process of overhauling the code curriculum.
I supervised two University of Nebraska Career Development First Gen Student Interns in fundraising and public education. One of them helped us…
Plan and host a fundraising mixer and silent auction in Spring 2023!
We listened to parent and student concerns regarding parking and changed locations new this fall, and effort led by Ron and Val, a board member and our Director of Operations.
We created a new website on a more accessible CMS to share the burden of updates and management, led by org co-founder and board member Justin.
We ran ‘Give to Lincoln Day’ and End of Year Campaigns, TWICE, including mailers, emails, social media, and the resulting thank you notes!
Board members Bonita and Justin have worked to organize and streamline our budget and financial operations.
And most importantly: we welcomed over 40 girls (at least) over the past two years into our clubs, where they hopefully began to see a place for themselves in the world of tech.

Does it ever feel like enough? No, and I hope it never does (there’s so much to do!), but I’m so proud to have led this organization the past two years in this way and to get to work alongside this team.

This list is, of course, non comprehensive. There are so many more people contributing and supporting us than included in those bullet points. Sierra, Ciara, Vivian, Leah, Ryan W, Lana, Danielle, Shuai, Emma, Nancy, Jessie, Jenna, Ryan O, Mack, Jaxon, and so many more people have a been a part of these past two years. You helped me grow and learn and I appreciate all of you.

When your efforts don’t feel like enough, when you feel like you’re missing opportunities, when you simply can’t do it all – take a moment to stop and notice what you did do. I’m so glad I did.

academic noise

A challenging (for me) thing about academia: our currency is feedback, criticism, and peer reviews. There is constant assessment from leaders, peers, and students.

This is net positive. At a public institution it keeps us accountable to our mission, it keeps our research rigorous and meaningful, it keeps our teaching standards evolving.

This is also tough some days. Constant feedback is better than none, but finding the real coaches through the noise is hard, and the noise is so loud.

It’s so easy to get discouraged and tired. Nothing in particular happening, I’m just feeling the weight of it lately as I reach higher heights.

I generally trend towards “people pleasing” and 11 years in higher education have yet to correct that.