half

Let me start by acknowledging how vague this post is on details. I am putting fingers to keyboard anyway. I want others, particularly young(ish) women and other misrepresented groups in academia, to hear this: don’t stay half a leader.

The past year has been a major shift in my career. To those on the outside it probably doesn’t look that way, I’m still at the same college after all – but the Nebraska Governance and Technology Center, where I invested almost three years, closed in May and I’m slowly drawing out of my operational involvement in the Space, Cyber, and Telecommunications law program (my research and other facets of my work remain there!) My passion for technology and my expertise in space issues and space law remains in my research, scholarly work, and in my own career but my programmatic and administrative focus is shifting. The Program will live on past me, with a long line up of classes and world class expertise.

There is a part of me that is sad – bone deep – about starting this slow transition from having a leadership role there. Being a program administrator and a figurehead for the program with our students and alumni is something I’m good at. I’m also relieved. I’m excited for what’s next.

I still really love and care about this subject matter. And I, personally, have the full support of my broader institution. What’s the problem then? I hit a ceiling. No level of scholarship, international engagement, or funding was going to allow me full autonomous control of my work and decision making in the present structure.

I was, I am, tired of being half a leader. You reach a point where the idea of failing isn’t as scary as the idea of forever being second-in-command.

I might go down with the boat, but it’ll be my boat.